Grab a Skirt

I'm all for doing whatever makes you happy. And by happy, I mean not bored. Boredom, in my opinion is worse than any other feeling or state one can experience. People do a lot of things to avoid boredom. Guys (and girls, I guess) live for the start of the next football season, to fill our weekends with ritualistic meaning. Right now, sadly, is a difficult time for all but two fan-bases.

I suppose, when true desperation kicks in, men are forced outside their comfort zone and react largely out of necessity; the necessity to avoid boredom.

Television is an automatic go-to for most people looking for simple entertainment. With multiple cable companies and hundreds of channels, there is a lot of crap on TV nowadays. It is America and freedom still reigns. However, in this particular case, freedom is an unfortunate thing. I'm talking about grown men watching The Hills.

This epidemic is apparently sweeping Man Caves across the country. Just recently, two of my friends unknowingly came out of The Hills closet when, during a manweekend of beer and football, they started going back and forth about Heidi, Spencer, LC, and whoever else is on the show. At first I thought they were joking. Sadly they were not.

If you find yourself in the uncomfortable situation of dealing with your own friends' Hills coming out parties there are a few things, we, members of the FWDLFWTH (Friends Who Don't Let Friends Watch The Hills) can do. And, yes, you are a member of FWDLFWTH if you A) don't watch The Hills, and B) have friends who throw on a skirt and watch The Hills.

Firstly, you must root out the closet cases and confront their issue... Remember, the first step is getting them to admit they have a problem. Secondly, most obviously, do not, in any way allow talk of or watching of The Hills in your presence. And Thirdly, like a crying child, you must fully ignore your wayward friend if she, I mean he, starts any talk of The Hills.

Together, men, we will get through the football off-season, and do our best to keep our friends from straying. We will battle the will of their girlfriends and win the war against MTV and shitty cable programming.

Soak up the Nash

The wrong first impression can leave a lasting scar.  I was first introduced to Music City by way of Vanderbilt University.  Sadly, while Vanderbilt is a great place, it does suffer from the "Vanderbubble" effect, keeping students somewhat depraved of the true cultural uniqueness that is Nashville.  

I am now a couple years removed from school and have finally shed the monkey that Vanderbilt put on my back.  I regret the days I wasted at school being wasted at frat houses and house parties rather than soaking in the live music scene at the dozens of venues around town.  

One thing I know for sure.  After seeing people like George Ducas and Ratney Foster, the true song-writers of Nashville (I truly hope you don't think any of those fake artists you see on CMT and MTV actually write their own stuff), I can now truly appreciate the realness of places like Nashville, Austin, New Orleans, Chicago, full of the real musical artists, not to mention the countless number of Nashville neighborhoods and gigs that keep the real music alive.

Wherever you are, whatever city, enjoy its uniqueness, its singularity, and its liveliness.  Every city, no matter, has its own pulse and breath.  Find yours and enjoy it, before you look back and realize you've been visiting too many museums.

Trust Me.

Islamorada Lifestyle

My first trip to Islamorada was much different from my most recent.  I would encourage visitors to observe the speed limit and comply with all of Islamorada PD's requests.  Once you break through the barrier of over-hyped, under-stimulated Isla police force, you will find yourself in the midst of a slow-motion, easy-goin, hand-made, tropical-fruited drink, house-made cocktail wonderland.  

A FEW PLACES TO AVOID:

Lazy Daze.

It's great for the view, but the food, ehhh we can find better.  Besides, WHO HAS A HAPPY HOUR THAT ONLY APPLIES TO THOSE SITTING AT THE 10 SEAT BAR-AREA?!  You read me right.  If you go for an early dinner, or room at the bar is scarce, NO HAPPY HOUR FOR YOU!  As I was told by the local inbred bar-keep, "if we didn't restrict happy hour to just the bar, the whole restaurant would fill up during happy hour."  Well, shit, that would just be horrible for business!  The food is sub-par, nothing fancy, too touristy.

LETS GET REAL

You want the goods?  When in Rome!  You want the best, freshest, straight off the boat STONE CRABS?  Go to Mr. Lobster.  Hell, once you pull up to the docks you'll probably want to add some Yellowfin and Snapper to the menu.  This place is a main importer for restaurants up and down the coast.  BUY LIKE THE WHOLESALERS DO!  Large Stone Crabs caught that day for $14/LB... yes, please.  Your welcome.

That's local livin', no BS tourist cuisine.  Freshest you could ask for.

If I'm in Miami I'll make the 4 hour round trip drive to give my friends the freshest, best tasting stone crab they could ask for... it's worth it... unless your friends are assholes.

Going out for dinner?

Islamorada Fish House.  $25 entrees, freshest fish (no shit) eat outside in a table on the sand, listenin to the live band.  Can't go wrong.

Breakfast after a long night.  Okay, here I stray, but I swear that ROBBIE'S is the best b'fast spot in the Isla.  Sit on the patio and watch Euro tourists feed the hundreds of Tarpons that gather around the docks... but know that the Eggs Benedict, and Corned Beef Hash are the real thing, made from love in a cramped trailer-for-a-kitchen.  MILE MARKER 76, check it out, try the mimosas and enjoy some delish b'fast specials!

Trust Me.

Pascal's Miami

In terms of culinary delights, Pascal's is tops.  My recent trip to Miami made me realize that anybody who travels to the Cuba of the South would be a fool to not reserve themselves a table at Pascal's of Miracle Mile.  

The dining room is small and intimate, ten tables max, fifty people per seating.  

I had THE MOST AMAZING MEAL OF MY LIFE at Pascal's over my Christmas Vacation.

If you want a sure bet, to impress coworkers, dates, in-laws... a hands-down, no-brainer, of a restaurant experience, you would be remise in not taking three hours out of your life to not enjoy the amazing food at this French culinary wonder.

I would even go so far as to say if you had only three hours in Miami that you should spend it as Pascal's, and you would leave Miami satisfied.

The meal might run you $100 apiece, but you would be a fool not to make this sure-fire intestinal investment.  

MY MEAL:

I had the fois gras special, which was seasoned for 48 hours and spiced rubbed.   They have two fois gras on the regular menu, and I suggest trying either one.

I also relished the opportunity to taste their gnocchi appetizer, drizzled with white truffle oil... best I have ever tasted... sorry Grandma.  Seriously though, I have never been held speechless over food until that point.

My main course was the Veal Shank, which, suffice it to say, needed no knife, and only a fork to peel the delicate layers of non-pretentious proteins from their supple bones into my mouth until only the hollowed-out bones remained.  

We (Eve and I) also ordered the Souffles special for dessert.  Normally, I am not a "dessert person" but figured it was only appropriate to complete the circle of culinary delight we had experienced in the previous two hours.  

The service... incredible.  The food... words do not exist that can describe.  The atmosphere... beyond delightful.

HANDS DOWN THE BEST MEAL OF MY LIFE, you will not be disappointed.

If you want to impress those whom need impressing, look no further.

Trust Me.

Bryan